A Random Sample of My Writing.

(NOTE: this is a small piece of a book, and it is a first draft. If you have read my series Writing About Writing you will know many edits are yet to come.)

   “I made notes,” she began. “A process which I’m sure all of you are familiar with.” There was polite laughter. “The first one says I should start with an opening remark, which seems obvious now that I think about it.” More laughter. “So I guess I should tell you that I’m not used to public speaking, which must also be obvious by now.” The laughter was getting louder.

   “Beyond that,” she continued, “I honestly don’t know what to say. Apparently you’ve been impressed by my dissertation on ethics and technology, which I wrote many years ago and which should be forgotten by now but my evil twin has seen fit to force her students to read it because she is a cruel and unjust woman.” There was only a little, subdued tittering.

   “Really I haven’t done anything in the fields of ethics or engineering since then, so I don’t have anything to say beyond whatever it was that I wrote in that paper.” The laughter was now entirely replaced by worried silence.

   The emcee rose from his seat and to the occasion, suggesting that perhaps she could answer a few questions from the audience? She agreed, providing everyone understood the concept of “a few”. Even the more enthusiastic among the attendees were beginning to doubt this was as good an idea as it first seemed. Amy didn’t know what they were expecting from her, and now those who were expecting it were wondering too. It took a little time to get someone out into the seats with a microphone to pick questioners, but not enough time as far as Amy was concerned. The hands went up, and the enquiries came.

   The first question was: “What have you been doing since your dissertation was published?”

   Amy felt like saying ‘none of your damn business’, but managed to control herself. “Nothing academic, if that’s what you mean,” she said.

   The second question was: “Are you planning on returning to the academic world, perhaps as a teacher?”

   “Absolutely not,” she replied. “In case you can’t tell, I am not at ease in front of groups of people.”

   Now a new feeling started to build in the audience: guilt. Some of the brighter ones realized they had put her in an uncomfortable position, more or less against her will. The idea of ‘we shouldn’t have done this’ stole over them like a fog. One woman attempted to lighten the mood.

   “Are you married?” she asked in what she hoped was a cheerful manner.

   “My personal life is just that; personal,” Amy replied. “Unless you are a part of it, you have no place asking about it. I say that not only about this instance, but as a general rule you should follow in your interactions with everyone.”

   The woman apologized. “I’m sorry,” she said, genuinely taken aback. Most of the audience was feeling the same way; like they’d done something wrong and had now been chastised for it.

   Another student tried to change the mood by asking “Is there anything you’d like to tell us?”

   “Yes,” Amy said. There was a wash of relief over the crowd. “I don’t know what you were expecting to get out of meeting me like this, or meeting me at all,” she continued. The relief waned. “I’m sorry I can’t live up to whatever those expectations were. When I wrote that piece on ethics, I was not intending to impress anyone. Not even the council. I certainly didn’t think it would ever become important in any way. Frankly I didn’t even care if I were awarded that PhD. It was something I had to write for my own sake, so that I could reconcile my work with the consequences it brought about. I’m not at all sure I managed to achieve even that meager goal.”

   A crushing silence filled the lecture hall. No one was sure what to do now. The emcee knew the onus was on him to take the next action, and he thought desperately trying to figure out what to do. What had been intended as a possibly two-hour long interaction with a brilliant scientist had instead turned out to be a painfully short and incredibly awkward and embarrassing encounter for both sides. He approached the podium where Amy stood riveted to the spot, unable to determine what she should do. Running off the stage was foremost in her mind, and probably a better choice than bursting into tears, which she felt was imminent, or fainting dead away - which also looked like an attractive option at the moment.

   “I’m sure we’d all like to thank Dr. LeGrande for her honest and forthright discourse here today,” the emcee began. “She has shown us that no matter what others may think we are, when it comes right down to it we’re all human beings.”

   There was a little applause as Amy fought back her tears and tried not to shake. The applause increased. More hands joined in. Then people began to stand up. Everyone stood up. There were at least 100 people in the hall, and Amy could see every one of them was on their feet applauding. It should have been for the host’s clever recovery speech, but she knew who they were giving the ovation to.

   It was for her.